“The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.”
- Gloria Steinem
I’ve been getting more and more truthful for some years now. I find that lack of truth is the strongest and most prevalent stressor in my life, maybe the only one, I’m not sure.
“If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.”
- Mark Twain
Marvin, my ex-husband, had a rule. He said keeping track of what he could say and what he could not say was just too hard. Therefore, he advised people not to tell him anything he could not repeat. I respected that about him. We both had a similar experience of and desire for honesty and truth. I think it’s the strongest part of our bond, and it remains until this day.
I’ve been working on bringing some congruence to some of my relationships and choices.
I found that I was working too hard in some friendships that weren’t giving anything back. But in the process, my penchant for truth-telling came up – the how and when of it, not to mention the whether. I literally wrote a couple of girlfriends and asked “are we friends?” I couldn’t figure it out. They didn’t call, didn’t invite me over, never saw me unless Iooked for them. There were reasons for this, too. I once spoke a truth about one of them that she considers to have caused her much stress. And given that to do over, I would not.
Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred. It does not pardon sins and make them real. It sees there was no sin. And in that view are all your sins forgiven. What is sin, except a false idea about Truth?
- Helen Schucman
She doesn’t really know how to forgive, but she keeps calling me lately, not even sure why she is doing so, even asking me whether there is any reason she may be calling.
Finally, I used Marvin’s rule. I told her, “Look, if you’re worried about what I may say to others, don’t tell me.” I put the ball back in her court. It’s not up to me to police my words for her comfort or sense of safety and security.
Now I can rest about it.
What she does with that is up to her. I am out of her business. I am not constantly trying to figure out what she does and does not want me to say. And I should mention that she *has* told me some things that she asked me not to repeat, and I have not, ever, not to anyone, not even her closest friend who I am pretty sure knows more than I do about her preferences.
Truth is really important to me – I’m pretty sure it is the most important thing there is for me.
Truth is not only violated by falsehood; it may be equally outraged by silence.
- Henri Frederic Amiel
I once kept a truth to myself that I would suggest *anyone* tell rather than keep to themselves. I did not tell anyone I was having sex with my father. It was true. And now, I’d rather speak the truth and let chips fall where they may, rather than withhold something true.
Still, I don’t need to be losing friends over saying something that bothers them, either. I tried the 12 Step thing about “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” That doesn’t work for me. I think sometimes unkind things are useful. And how the hell would I know what is necessary? Don’t ge me trying to run the universe. I don’t have the brain cells for it. Or, maybe I do, and we are them, but nevermind. That’s a whole discussion on consciousness that doesn’t really fit here.
Katie’s question works really well here, “Whose business am I in when I think that thought?”
The other piece that surfaced (again) this weekend was how I say things as if I am right and the other person is just wrong. I can see how off-putting that has been to some people. And it feels patently false to me to say “In my opinion.” I don’t consider some of this to be opinion at all.
How-some-ever, I can say, “as far as I know…”
Lord (whoever that is – a case in point) knows that I’ve found that some things I used to be dead certain of are not remotely true (astrology, numerology, feng shui, Louise Hay’s body correlations, reincarnation, the existence of a god, to name a few).
So, as far as I know, that’s true.
Love, Ann
We know the truth, not only by the reason, but by the heart.
Blaise Pascal
“In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.”
- George Orwell
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