If I have gained just one ounce of significance today it would be the complete understanding of just how insignificant I actually am. I caught myself having a one-way conversation with a friend of mine about how I have the tendency to over book myself; thinking I can somehow do so much more than the combination of time and my abilities naturally allow. I mean, who do I think I am?
I intentionally plan on doing far more than I know could realistically be done because in some odd way it pushes me to do more than my abilities would have allowed if I just settled to plan on doing much less. Isn’t that what the rest of the world is doing? Isn’t that how dreams become the past and bigger ones come about? It has driven me to a point in my life where I have no idea what I would do with free time if I had it; and in the rare occasion I do, I drown in an unwanted and slightly psychotic amount of guilt for choosing not to do something productive with it.
Then, I begin a whole new debate in my mind about what true productivity is. What would be more productive to you? Spending time with family or friends? Spending time with friends or spending the night doing nothing but relaxing to take a break from an over booked day and actually breathe? Spending time with old friends or attending a bible study hosted by a member of the college ministry you are the director of? Going for a run with your much loved but often neglected dog or catching up on house cleaning? House cleaning or grocery shopping? Who needs groceries anyway? I could just quit eating. Then, I wouldn’t have to buy groceries OR run as much. Yes! Free time at last…
Time becomes shorter and shorter by the minute and I don’t know about you but I don’t want mine slipping through my fingers without using it to make some kind of GLOBAL impact.
Where did this come from? What was it that happened in my life that allowed or possibly caused my ambitions to become greater than what I could ever handle the thought of? Much less the pursuit of. It doesn’t mean anything to totally commit yourself to a life you don’t even remember the reason for anymore.
Whoa. Reason for my life? Who knows? Of all the things we all dig reasoning for, life is one we should quit. As sure as some may feel they’ve got all the answers… The bottom line, nobody knows. And when I sometimes think I have it all figured out, I realize in that very moment that I am more lost and confused than ever before.
The truth is, I am far smaller and insignificant to this world than I will ever allow myself to see, because of the One that Lives through me. It is only because of Jesus Christ that the whole world appears so tangible to me.
He created the Universe! He rose from the dead! He saved me from my sin, and it is only by His abundant GRACE that all the awful things I’ve done and continue to do are justified! They are justified by grace through my faith in Him! He is the Truth and the Truth sets me free! I am free! I am free indeed. This freedom is who I am and it stretches my significance to the edges of eternity.
Be Free.
Zaira.
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