Who i am is not simple, but i know what i want in life, i know who i am, and no one will change that, I do carry the ability of being happy without romance, because in all reality it’s not always the most important thing, just nice, humans always like the satifaction of having a place where they belong, knowing someone loves them, and people can’t resist that feeling. But I can’t change who i am just because of love, i won’t.
So, yes, i am a confrontational person, i will tell people exactly what’s on my mind, when i’m happy, when I’m not, what i like about them, what i don’t, usually in attempt in talking through my issues. I do not hope in any means of hurting anyone, but i am one that feels that being truthful is a lot better than bottling stuff up. My goals in relationships is to make both of us happy, not just him, because being taken for granit is not one of my self goals, mutual happiness is my goal, which used to be easy. By being a confrontational person, i do admit makes me a bitch at times.
Relationships are complicated, i’ve heard my friends say that the first month or two is the honey moon stage, every thing seems perfect, like nothing could go wrong, it’s just pure happiness with one another. But relationships progress, you learn more about one another, there becomes less to talk about, and it gets more serious and easier to lose that spark. Especially with long distant relationships, there are rough spots, times of unhappiness, more times of missing each other and frustration and doubts, the clear idea tha, that honey moon stage is completely over. The key to relationships is how strong the connection is to make it through those times.
So though i confront and know what i need to be happy, i may push it a little too much at times, for a moody boy like Patrick i should know to be careful. There’s no doubt that i love him, but relying solely on talking, i have doubts, sometimes i can’t just trust my heart or his. Sometimes i don’t understand why he can’t say what seems like something so obvious for someone to say to the one they love. So i question, i say what i think, and somehow i feel the want to go back on my words just because i don’t want to lose him.
But as i sat and thought in clas, giving him time to himself to think, i thought, i still want happiness, before he came along,i was all about my independence, how i didn’t want or need a guy to break me, yet he was different from all the other guys i had ever met, and i fell for him. But as i thought, if things go bad, or work out, i should always keep in mind that this is my life, and every step of the way, i learn from my experiences, and my goal is to be myself and continue to stay happy, which i can only find from myself. So do i need to cry anymore? do i need to call and text hoping for him to finally respond?…..no, he’ll be there when he’s ready, i don’t need to be obnoxious.
Psychologists say that separation weakens the romantic attraction, it’s sad but in some senses it’s true, from the rollercoaster of me and Patrick’s relationship in the month and half time period of not seeing each other, makes the relationship hard, even as optimistic as i am. I’ve never wanted to see someone as bad as i want to see him….what makes it harder is that every time i hope to see him, something goes wrong……am i strong enough?
I hope so.
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