i wrote a post abt a major mismatch in my life… this morning i woke up thinking abt some of the good matches… and as i reflect upon the good matches i hv found or rather who hv found me (as i dont really go out and make friends on my own volition, somehow they just ‘friend’ me), i realise the good matches outnumber the bad… i kw, i m far more lucky than many many frustrated aspies that i read abt, or hear from, around the world, who share one common problem – making friends…
my five years away from my mix-matched girlfriend… i went away for undergraduate studies… and, like many many aspies, i m no different not special from them, i did not hv many friends… but just two kids at university… who, more than twenty years later, are still my friends and who care for and support me in ways that hv never condemned me for who i am, even when i didnt know who i really was!…
one, now a happily married man, lives in another city, but he and his wife keep in touch with me and check in on me every now and then just to see how i m doing here on my own… his wife is a sweet gentle person, and no she doesnt slam doors or shout loudly… 
and the other, now married with two delightful girls and a very nice husband, i still meet up with regularly once a month for our ‘catch up’ dates… quick lunches stolen in the middle of her very busy day, near her workplace, albeit too fleeting, but these are gems in my little box of treasures… and no, i hv never heard her raise her voice ever, except when we laugh together! 
then we get as noisy as all women can get…
then another friend, a brilliant lawyer, he saw me thru the darkest moments of my life… he offered me financial help when i was desperately poor – which meant so much to me, tho i never took up his offer… he wrote me emails every single day, and those email exchanges kept me alive, i poured out my crazed ramblings onto him and he never once complained or derided me or called me weak or stupid or a coward (which my mismatch girlfriend did)… he was the one who told me point blank when i was in the depths of self doubt and despair during the abuse that i put myself thru with that ugly blue frog and his pet skank : “do not insult the people who love u by thinking so poorly of urself, we r not idiots without ability to discern and choose who we wish to love and care about, u hv something in u which is valuable to us and that is what u should wake up to… instead of always looking at the ones who reject u for the negatives u r, start looking at the ones who love u for the positives u r… the goodness that u bring into our lives… “
and today, i will hv brunch with yet another friend, someone i became close with only recently, well, 3 years ago… we met thru a mutual friend, and he works in the same city where i live… we meet almost every weekend that we r able to meet, for good food and company… he pays 90% of the time, becos he knows i cannot afford the luxury, but i do try to chip in, by asking him over sometimes for a homecooked meal… he too saw me thru the recent hell i hv just come out of… i rambled at him, sometimes we even argued, but he was and is always there, like a dependable rock for my anchor… he has none of the diva glamour flair of my lawyer friend, but this relationship has taught me a lot abt patience, perseverance, and goodness of a different kind…
one more… a new friend too… a fantastic jazz musician and composer… we had initial arguments over my asperger’s and behcet’s becos he didnt understand these, but becos he truly cares, he has come to see my struggles and validate them… in our last conversation over dinner, after going thru a piano piece i m writing for him to play, i was telling him my dreams of finding a way to be useful to others like me, to children like me who need someone who has been there before to help them develop their talents and gifts in ways that perhaps neurotypical teachers or therapists cannot becos they just dont kw what it is like to be autistic… well, he told me something that brought tears to my eyes : “u have so many dreams, but yet u r so limited by ur different mind and ur physical condition… knowing who u r, i know how much u hv achieved, how much more than other ‘normal’ people, how much u hv struggled thru and triumphed over just to stay alive, and how much u hv overcome in order to develop ur gifts… ” … his words were an encouragement to me to keep going, they gave me strength for my hopes and wings for my dreams, that even tho i may never achieve the kind of ’success’ that other people achieve, even tho i m still poor, not independent at middle age, even tho my abilities far outweigh my superficial achievements, even tho i struggle so hard with so little obvious returns, i will not give up – i owe it to myself and i owe it to those who see who i m and who are here cheering me on!
then of course, my baby sister… not a baby anymore, she is also middle aged now, but she will always be my most beloved sister… she loves me so unconditionally… no questions asked… no remarks or comments abt my choices and often bad choices in life… she is there, she will share whatever little she may have at any point of time with me if i need it… she will take care of me if i fail, she will be there, and she will be there if i succeed to applaud me… yes we do hv our meltdowns with each other, but with her, there is always no condemnation, no stupid ignorant suggestions, no religious nonsense… just love…
and they all share one thing in common – NONE of them hv EVER sneered at my quirks, nor raised their voices at me, nor debased my inner yearnings, nor were ever jealous of my talents and gifts, and NONE of them are domineering, manipulative and crude… they are all gentle to me… and becos they love me so much, i hv learnt to love them and yes for them, it is worth learning to step out of my little bubble into their realm as far as i possibly can (tho i m sadly so limited) to try to show them i appreciate and embrace their love for me, and i love them back with depth and intensity!
today, and every single day of my life, i will give thanks with deep gratitude for the good matches in my life, becos they r my inspiration to reach for all that i m and can be, and becos i want them to be proud of me too!
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