I admit, in the past two years, I have often felt a little guilty for not really thinking about Jesus that much. I don’t mean that I stopped thinking of him or that I ceased to think he was important. I had other pressing theological questions, but I viewed (and still do) those questions as ultimately returning to Christ. Still, I would sometimes think to myself: “I wonder if I ought to pay attention to what I believe about this Jesus.”
The answer to that thought was and is a resounding, yes.
In between my first and second years of university, I experienced what one would consider to be the proverbial “crisis of faith.” Though intermixed with some other issues, this crisis was more of a disillusionment of the concept of church that I had for most of my life up until the first year at university. I had more problems with the church than with God or with Jesus. Thus, it wasn’t a full-fledged loss of faith in which one becomes agnostic or an atheist. Nonetheless, the spiritual turmoil continued (and continues) into my second year. Towards the end of 2008, my disillusionment with the church had grown so strongly that I began to question, ever so delicately, some of the basic Christian beliefs, but again, it was not a full-fledged loss of faith.
My spiritual turmoil was soon somewhat eradicated by my introduction to catholic (small-c) Christianity through Catholic, Anglican, and Orthodox theology. I’m confident that at that point in my life, it was the very reading of such sources that saved my faith. Had I not dashed my Baptist and Evangelical polemics against Catholics and Orthodox (and Anglicans) against the rocks of thoughtful reflection and reading, I doubt I’d still be a Christian, or, I’d likely be some drifter trying to brew my own Christianity. Arriving and inhabiting the Great Tradition of the Christian faith provided me with somewhat of a basis on which to understand Christ, his Body (the Church), and the message and ministry of the Gospel to the world.
As I began this semester at school, I felt confident that at some point this year, I would finally make a choice and become a part of a community of faith through Baptism (ironic, yes? Being Baptist and not being baptized?). However, while I still hope for that opportunity (it might be a stretch to make it to Easter), my studies have pulled me in a new direction. Well, not entirely new but rather, a realization that yes, I must understand Jesus (I’m just waiting for nice little cliche reminders to start popping up on the comments; It’s not like I don’t know that.). This is more serious, I think, than simply asking questions for the sake of deepening one’s “personal relationship with Jesus.” It’s not like I’m going out on a date with him or something and wanting to know him more deeply (while that is certainly the important aim of any Christian).
More than that. It is asking the question of his very claim to divinity, his very claim to authority, the Church’s claim of his divinity, the Church’s claim of his uniqueness, the Church’s claim of his authority, and the Church’s, Bible’s, and historian’s very claim of his existence.
For if Christianity is true, then Christ has to be true.
First order of business…create new category for “Jesus” in blog.
Second order of business…N.T. Wright, a cup of tea, and a red pen for marking.
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